C Is For Cauterisation (poem)

By Luke Labern

I

A slit vein will leak:
That much is clear.
A beating heart will bleed;
Truths need not breed fear.

Yes: I panic for the sake of it
To feel alive
Awkward palpitations
Can't sleep tonight

Won't sleep tonight
But that's okay
Can't die in my sleep
If it's all one day.

Isolation defines me
But I grow old.
A piece of me shrinks
When the bed grows cold.

II

Would I do it again
(The mistakes, the pain,
The heartbreak)?
I can't.

I don't believe in second chances
Or God
Or afterlife
Or objectivity

What's done is done --
We all have our scars.
Don't know if we deserve it, but
The world is ours.

We can earn it -- if
We keep our nerves calm
And our morals stuff
-- Palm in palm.

III

Could we go it alone?
For a while, I think.
Why try? What's the point
In a half-empty throne?

The king has been bleeding:
Seven veins he struck.
Whose advice is he heeding?
His own, with any luck.

Isn't destruction twice
As worse
When the mirror's reflection
Is driving the hearse?

Suicide postponed
For many a year.
No guarantees --
Playing it by ear.

IV

As long as I have
What I need
I won't give in to
Self-destructive greed.

But if they take
Her -- and that --
And this
I'll strike again -- and I won't miss.

Please stop bleeding.
It won't seem to clot.
The question is --
To be, or to be not?

I'm saying 'to be'
Because you exist.
For that reason alone
I'll cauterise this:

My jugular remains
So long as you love
The blood in these veins.